This post is a very personal one to me, but I felt it was important to share.
Lately I have been doing a lot of self-reflection and really facing up to what beliefs I hold about myself. I realised that, deep down in my psyche, I was still harbouring beliefs that I was unworthy and undeserving of love, feelings that stemmed from difficult relationships with my father and step-father when I was younger. As a child, without being able to really comprehend what was happening, I interpreted their behaviour as a rejection of me and I carried this forward into my adult life as a mistrust of men, expecting only more rejection and hurt.
I finally realised with true clarity that their behaviour was nothing to do with me. The way they acted was because of the pain they were carrying in their own hearts; yes, I got hurt because of it, but it wasn’t because there was anything ‘wrong’ with me. I am entirely loveable and deserving of love.
I could feel the sting of injustice and carry resentment over this, but that bitterness would not serve me or make me feel better. I do not condone their behaviour, nor would I tolerate more of it, but I accept that they were doing the best they could with the knowledge they had and the emotional state they were in at the time. They screwed up, but people are complicated and make mistakes.
I was hurt, but I am healing. So, the point of this post is to say that the actions of others do not define you. If someone rejected you, do not assume the belief that it is because there is something wrong with you and that you aren’t worth their affection, time or consideration. Usually there are two sides to every story, so take a brutally honest look at your own actions, too. But, most importantly, do not let bitterness have a place to live in your heart.
Sometimes it is hard to understand why these things happen. Sometimes we don’t truly figure it out. I do believe that there is always a reason and that it is to enhance our spiritual growth; but, even if there isn’t a reason, you have to accept that it did happen and then do what it takes not to let it define the rest of your life.
As hard as it may be, do the self-reflection, face up to the demons, take the time to heal, let those people go with love, and free yourself to move onwards and upwards.
You are entirely loveable, and deserve to be completely happy!
From my heart to yours,